Will i Ever Attend An Exciting Fetish Event Again?

So, i am slowly but surely re-entering the arena of Sadomasochism, once again. The fulfillment seems like it's never there. Life happens so it takes you to different places at different times, but, i still seek to be taken levels i haven't been to in years. It's now a matter of who, when and how at this point of time. Sadly, the NYC Fetish events haven't been as exciting as it had been in previous years and when i say previous years, i'm speaking of more than 10 years ago. You would figure since it's New York City, it would be lively. Don't get me wrong, different people see different things and i can only go my my own experiences. i am SURE a lot of people attending today's fetish events are having the time of their lives, i just so happen to NOT be one of them presently.

There was a time where play WAS the reason people attended these fetish events, but it seems to be more of a fashion show these days (Nothing wrong with that, i DO enjoy seeing women dressed or undressed in the name of fetishism) and/or a gathering of people within the scene (Again, nothing wrong with that, i enjoy seeing my scene friends ALL the time when i am out and about) but there was a time where a voyeur of the fetish arts would go home happy because of the exciting scenes going on around the venue (Notice, i said scenes, as i only see a scene or 2 when going to certain fetish events).

It Gets So Confusing At Times

What gets confusing you may ask? my thoughts, usually....  i still have an interest in submitting and becoming a 'real' masochist, but, not being in the mood to go out, puts a damper on things sometimes. And even when i DO go out, specifically to a fetish event in New York City, i encounter countless Pro Dommes trying to find a way to separate my ends from my means without truly caring about or for the connection one seeks in this 'lifestyle'. Sometimes i have a yearning to attend a private event, knowing no one, but being welcomed just for having the nerve to show up and with the possibility of finding someone who is naturally sadistic and actually gets turned on with the thought of abusing someone like me. But, how do i find such parties? The underground is TRULY underground.....