Sunday, January 25, 2009
i vowed that i would update my blog more often then some of the Dommes i follow and i have not done so and i should be punished for it! BUT, i just thought i'd let you know that it's been a good week as far as BDSM for me.
Since one of my goals is to become a better masochist and get to the level i was at several years ago and then go past that, i called up a former Mistress to help me in my quest. She owns Her own dungeon in Manhattan and i was Her personal slave many years ago and we remain friends and i speak to Her often, at least once a month. She is a true Sadist and i was taking a chance by calling Her to ask Her to bring my tolerance level to where it's been in the past. Out of all the Dommes i know, i chose Her because we are still cool and although She plays hard, She respects my limits and always knew what made me tick and helped me get to the masochistic level i achieved previously. PLUS, i know that She also trains Dommes and/or has other Dommes Who rent from Her and She always enjoyed 'throwing me to the wolves'.
Even though i was able to talk to Her about anything, i found it hard to actually ask Her to help me with my quest, but i also knew that once i started the conversation, She would know exactly what it is that i want, no, NEED. i miss playing and being abused by an attractive Woman and i also want to be able to take as much as a Domme wants to put out without 'bitchin' out or using a safe word. my former Dommes knew i hated using a safe word because i feel if i did so, i've failed Her, but also serving the Sadists i have in the past, that was Their goal, to get me to safeword, a challenge i always took head on but wouldn't DARE do today! Hopefully, with this situation, i will be back at the point of laughing at Dommes because They can't hurt me.
i will keep you posted on my 're-training' as i will call it because i am scared but also excited to be in the clutches of a true Sadist again and i know several Dommes out there that i would like to experience Their brand of Sadism, but i must get my balls back!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
As i looked at this photo, i started fantasizing (AGAIN!) of being at an All Female Party and being the reason for the party. A party where i am the object of desire. The desire of the Women to hurt, punish, torture a male for the exclusive reason of 'Because We want to'. What is it about having multiple Women using and abusing me that turns me on so much? Knowing that the Sadistic Lust of several Women looking at me like i am a steak dinner and They haven't eaten for days. Why is it that in my fantasies, i am able to take any and every thing the Ladies have in store for me, for an extended period of time? Yes, i still fantasize of walking into a room full of Women looking at me with the sole intention of making me Their play toy for the night.... Can someOne help me?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
i fantasize often, daily, hourly, shit, sometimes every minute! If i could reveal all the fantasies i have in my creative head, then i would never get the chance to actually participate in a scene! But, the purpose of this particular post is to reveal one of those fantasies. i don't stereotype, but i guess i do in my fantasies. i would submit to any type of Women (Within reason) of any nationality, culture, religious beliefs, etc. but, for some reason, in my extreme masochistic fantasies, there are 3 particular types of Women that come to mind when it comes to Sadistic pleasures.
The first is Russian. For some reason, maybe it's the accent, the way the words come out of Their mouths or just knowing that Russians in the war and spy movies are always the most cunning, evil and/or evil looking. i fantasize of being on a plane and the plane being directed elsewhere to Russia and being drugged and taken off the plane and be accused of spying (Or, of anything) and having to face an evil Russian Woman Who would rather torture me than to find out what it is she is supposedly looking for! She smiles every time i cry for mercy, but She enjoys tormenting me.
The second? Japanese (or any Asian really!). the reason i sway towards the Japanese is because most of the Japanese Domination videos shows the Japanese Women being so ruthless, uncaring and highly sadistic. In fact, it looks like the men in those videos are really being tortured, against their own will. And the fact that i can't understand what They are saying makes it even more exciting knowing i am being punished because i am not following directions.
The Third is German Women. i used to watch these old movies and i think the character's name was Hilda and it was a series of movies and She was always torturing someone. i enjoy their accents, the way They carry themselves, the army or whatever unit They would be involved in. i would imagine a 6 foot German Woman Who has no compassion for Her victim.
Friday, January 9, 2009
i know whenever i see or look at certain images and/or photos, i get excited at what it may mean to me as i view it. This particular image is a turn on for me because i DO fantasize of actually being owned in every sense of the word and having a ceremony to mark the occasion! To be given strict rules, protocols and instructions would test my tolerance as well as my commitment to my Owner. Maybe one day......
Monday, January 5, 2009
If i had time to live out my many diverse intense fantasies, then i would die a happy man. Well, one of the ways i would die would be at the hands of a Domme. But there is one particular fantasy that lingers in my mind and it would be fulfilling yet intriguing to have it happen. To be in a room or a stage or any place where Dommes would gather for the express purpose of obtaining a slave. There would be a number of men and women, nude, with numbers hanging from their necks and the Ladies looking for a sub, would be inspecting, testing the potential slaves for the use of the Dommes. Yes, people, a slave auction.
i see myself in line with other slaves, chained or tied up, being looked at by potential owners, faces being slapped, butts being pinched, nipples being pinched, all for the name of the Mistress finding a slave for whatever use She has planned. i see the various Ladies smiling, giving menacing looks, approving, disapproving and checking Their mental lists to see if me and the other slaves are what They are looking for. Anticipating taking one of us, or in the case of the wealthier Women, several of us to take home to put us to whatever use that is waiting for us.
Hearing the bids being placed on the other slaves before my number is called and i am brought to the front of the stage for the perusal of Dommes. Hearing the prices the Women are willing to pay to own and possess me, whether it's for hard labor, domestic service, chauffeuring, a whipping boy, a sex slave, whatever devious plans They have, i will be owned by one of these Ladies and i have no choice in the matter at all.....
Sunday, January 4, 2009
You know what i miss? i miss having my nipples tormented, i miss having them pinched and squeezed. i miss feeling the ecstasy of the erotic feeling of having a Woman play with them to Her delight. i miss the feeling of the sharpness of Her nails digging deep, sometimes so deep, it bleeds.
i also miss peeling the hardened scabs off my nipples a couple of days later. i miss putting on my T-shirt and my nipples being so sensitive, that they hurt again and reminds of of the time when my nipples were being tortured. i miss almost being brought to tears.
Friday, January 2, 2009
As i was looking through some personal ads on a BDSM dating website, a profile caught my attention, not just because the Domme was very attractive and not even because Her interests would have been a good match. It was what She wrote in Her description that grabbed my attention. What she wrote was something i've been saying for years and i can't believe i actually read it from someone i've never met. She stated that She is not a Pro Domme nor has no desire to be one because what She considers to be true dominance over a male, She would not take money from him. She stated that for Her to be superior over Her submissive, She has to actually be superior in every way possible. She said She should be the breadwinner/high earner and thus control him. Although She would allow him to work, She felt that what could be more powerful than Her holding the traditional male position in bringing home the bacon. What could be more powerful than knowing that She is worth more than him, can buy and sell him if she wanted and knows that he knows that his status in life is lower than Hers.
She said many other things, but that stood out because i've always felt that true dominance would encompass that, just like a Master with his female sub. i've never heard of a Master charging a sub for his dominance. i'm not saying it doesn't happen but i've never witnessed it. i've seen Masters take care of their submissives in every way imaginable, including financially, yet, in the Fem Domme world, it's the opposite, excuse me, in the Pro Fem Domme world.....